


Looking Back

by Fastcheetah4



Series: The Life of a Murderer's Daughter [4]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-03 20:51:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14004522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fastcheetah4/pseuds/Fastcheetah4





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: My Babies  
242 West 111st Street - The Hanser's Residence  
Libby's POV

"They've grown up so fast", I said to my loving husband, Tom, as we looked at our children's wedding photos. They've grown up so fast, I can't believe that they're already married and they already have children. 

"I remember back in the day when we first met", smiled Tom.

"I do too. We were in high school, senior year, and the boys ask the girls to dance at prom. You were too scared to ask me, so I asked instead."

"We danced the whole night away."

"And then..". I giggled.

"And then, I kissed you", Tom said, kissing me.

"I just can't believe they're married."

"I can't believe either, and we're grandparents", Tom exclaimed.

'I'm going to meet my grandchildren tomorrow', I thought to myself.

"I have to go to work. I'm talking to little children", I exclaimed.  
***  
Libby's POV

"Hello, kids, my name is Libby Benson-Hanser, and I'm a police officer. I work in the middle of New York City."

"What do police officers do", asked a little boy.

"They put bad people away."

"Do you have any children", asked a little girl.

"Yes. They're older than all of you. They're both married and they also have children."

"Have you seen your children's children yet", asked the same boy.

"No. Not yet, but I will tonight."

"Do you miss seeing your children grow up", the same little girl questioned.

I thought for a minute before I answered, "Yeah, I do. I really, really do."

"What were they like", the teacher smiled.

"They were really loud at times and they ran around. A lot. I remember, if my youngest, Olivia, was hurt, my eldest, Graham, would, at first, make fun of her but would trade his life for his sister's, and they still would do the same now."

"Do you wish they could be little again", questioned the teacher's assistant.


	2. Grandchildren

209 East 42nd Street - The Speedle's Residence  
Libby's POV

Jenna and Graham will be arriving at Olivia Jr. and Luke's any second now. I get to meet my grandchildren. "They're here", yelled Olivia Jr.

I ran to the door and opened it to be welcomed by a loud cry. 

"I'm so sorry for the crying, I need to change his diaper", explained Jenna.

"It's alright", I replied as I was hugging Graham, "How's my lovely son doing?"

"Good mom. Hey pops."

"Hello Graham. Nice to see you again", Tom smiled as he shook hands with Graham. Jenna came out of the bathroom holding the happiest baby in the household, "Do you want to hold him?"

"Of course, I do! What's his name", I asked as I walked over to Jenna.

"Jason."

"It's nice to meet you, Jason", I exclaimed as I gently held him in my arms, "Now, I've met all my grandchildren."  
\---  
209 East 42nd Street - The Speedle's Residence  
Libby's POV

It was after 7: 30 p.m. and we just finished eating dinner when Jason started crying, which made Elizabeth, Olivia and Luke's daughter, start to cry.

"I think it's time for two someones to go to sleep"m Luke said sarcastically, as he started to get up to put Elizabeth and Jason down for their sleep.

"Can I put them down", I asked quickly. Everyone looked at me and I gave them a confused look, "What?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Go right ahead". Olivia Jr. and Graham said excitedly in unison. I picked up Jason and Elizabeth, one on each hip, and carried them to the back room. I layed them down carefully and same them a lullaby. Once their eyes were closed for about a minute, I knew they were fully asleep and I just watched them both sleep. I miss when Graham and Olivia were this age, I would watch them sleep for all hours.


	3. Christmas

203 89th Street; Apartment 3B - Graham and Jenna Hanser's Apartment  
Graham's POV

I just got off the phone with my mom, "So mom and dad are throwing a Christmas dinner, and we're all invited."

"Okay", Jenna replied.

"Hey Jason, do you want to go to a Christmas dinner", I smiled excitedly and made Jason jump for joy in his high chair.  
***  
209 East 42nd Street - The Speedle's Residence  
Olivia Jr.'s POV

"Hey, umm, mom and dad invited us to their Christmas dinner. Graham, Jenna and Jason are coming too", I announced walking into the living room with Elizabeth.

Luke nodded, "Are you going to see Jason, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth screamed happily and waved her arms and legs everywhere.  
***  
242 West 111st Street - The Hanser's Residence  
Libby's POV

"They'll be here any minute", I yelled to Tom, who was in the bathroom. Not even a minute later, I heard a knocking at the door, "Coming!"

Olivia came in holding a sleeping Elizabeth, "Hi mom."

"Hello sweety."

Luke walked in behind Olivia, just as Graham, Jenna and Jason arrived. "Come on in, the food will be ready in about 15 minutes", Tom smiled.  
\---  
242 West 111st Street   
Libby's POV

"That's the best dinner I've had in a while, mom. Thanks", smiled Graham.

"No problem. We were so happy when you all said that you could come", replied Tom.

"It's getting late, we should be on our way", explained Olivia Jr.

"Yeah", followed Graham.

"Okay. We love you", I said walking to the door. Graham and Olivia pecked me on the cheeks and left with their family.

"We love you too mom and dad", they both yelled from the elevators.


	4. Olivia Benson

Nursing Home - Room 109  
Libby's POV

"I can't do this", I explained to Tom.

"Yes, you can. You are a strong woman. It's going to be okay."

I walked into Olivia's room. She was laying in her bed watching 'The Young and the Restless'. She turned to me when she saw a shadow across the room, my shadow, "Oh. Hi Libby sweetheart. Hello Tom."

"Hello, Olivia", Tom smiled.

"Hello mommy", I smiled weakly walking over to Olivia and giving her a hug.

"How are my grandchildren doing?"

."They're amazing. Guess what."

"What?"

"You're not just a grandmother, you're a great-grandmother too."

"Really? Olivia Jr. or Graham? How old are they? What are their names?"

"Olivia Jr. and Graham both have children, they are one and two years old. Graham and Jenna's one year old is Jason and Olivia Jr and Luke's two year old is Elizabeth", I replied with a smile on my face.

"Oh! When can I meet them", Olivia's face grew brighter.

"I don't know. Hopefully soon."

"We brought you some Christmas dinner leftovers", Tom put the dish on the nightstand.

"Oh, thank you my lovelies."

"You should get some sleep, okay", I put a hand on mom's arm as she nodded.

"Okay, we'll see you tomorrow. We love you."

"I love you too. Tell Graham, Olivia and their children that I love them too."

I nodded and Tom and I left the room. "That wasn't so bad", Tom said hugging me.

I shook my head, "Not too bad."


	5. Goodbye

SVU 16th Precinct  
Libby's POV

"Detective Hanser", a police officer asked, "There's a call for you on line 3."

I nodded and picked up the phone, "Hello?"

"Hi, is this Mrs. Libby Hanser?"

"Yes, this is she."

"Hello, it's the nursing home."

"Hi. What's this call concerning?"

"It's Olivia Benson. I'm afraid she's passed away."

I stood there. Just stood there, for a minute. "Hello? Mrs. Hanser? Are you still there?"

"Yes, umm, thank you for telling me", I hung up the phone. I couldn't believe what I just heard. I didn't want to believe. She didn't even meet her great-grandchildren.  
***  
The Hanser's Residence  
Libby's POV

"Tom, are you home? Where are you?"

Tom walked in but stopped dead in his tracks, "What's wrong?"

"It's Olivia."

"What about Olivia?"

"She's...She's... My mom's dead."

Tom ran over and grabbed me before I fell to the floor. He brought me to our bedroom and sat me on the bed. He held me there and I just cried.  
***  
The Next Day - Olivia's Funeral  
Libby's POV

"I'm so sorry for your loss", some police officer said.

"Hey, how you doing", asked Graham.

"I don't know. I'm just trying to hold on", a tear fell from my eye.

Olivia walked up and they both gave me a hug, "It's okay."

I sat on the bench directly across from Olivia's tombstone as everyone left. I sat there for well over 20 minutes before I moved a muscle. I walked over to where Olivia's body lays 6 feet underground and sat down. "Why did you have to go? Why couldn't you stay? You didn't even meet your great-grand kids." The wind was blowing and there wasn't a living body to be seen.

"I love you, Olivia. I always have, ever since you saved me, and I always will love you. With all my heart", I cried as I stood up.


	6. Memories

~Flashback~  
Libby's POV

I woke up, screaming and sweating, in a room I didn't recognize. Olivia came running in the room and hugged me, "Hey, it's okay, you're okay. It was just a bad dream, you're safe."

~Flashback Ended~

I remember how Olivia used to rock me to sleep when I cried in the middle of the night and the first time I called her 'mom'. She was so happy. It took me about 7 months to open up to her, trust her and to let her into my life.

"How are you doing mom", Olivia Jr. smiled.

"I miss her, but I have you. I named you after her because she was an amazing person, just like what you are now."

Olivia Jr. smiled, "We all miss her and we can all get through this, together."


	7. Happy Birthday

SVU 16th Precinct  
Olivia Jr.'s POV

It's been two months since Olivia's funeral and it's mom's birthday tomorrow. We're throwing a surprise party for her. "So it's final. The party will be at their house, at 7 p.m. We need to be there at 6 and make sure she's out", Graham confirmed. I went all over the city to get the decorations for the party. It took me 3 hours to get all I need.  
***  
The Hanser's Residence  
Libby's POV

I walk into the house and it's quiet. I walk into the living room and the lights are off, I walk further into the room and everyone jumps up, "Surprise!"

"What the hell guys, you fricken scared me!"

"We're sorry, honey. We just wanted to throw you a surprise party", Tom chuckled.

"Well you did great at the surprise part."  
\---  
Libby's POV

"Thanks for coming everyone, and thank you for the gifts." I said seeing people out the front door.

"So, how was your birthday", Tom questioned.

"It was amazing."


	8. Godparents

I was flipping through my photo album from when I first started living with Olivia, when I flipped past a picture of me, Olivia and everyone else. It got me thinking about what it was like when Tom and I asked about godparents.

~Flashback~  
Libby's POV

Tom and I walked into the squad room, where everyone was. "Hey. What are you doing here", asked Amanda.

"Well, we wanted to talk with all of you about picking Graham and Olivia Jr.'s godparents."

"Oh, did you have some in mind", questioned Fin.

"Yeah, we were thinking that maybe Rafael, would you like to be Graham's godfather", asked Tom.

"Of course, I'd love to."

"Who's Graham's godmother", questioned Nick.

"My friend Lilly from my elementary school." Everyone nodded.

"We were also think, Nick and Amanda", I asked.

"Yes", they both said in unison.

"Would you like to be Olivia Jr.'s godparents?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes", Amanda excitedly exclaimed as she ran and hugged me.

"I guess she answered for the both of us", Nick laughed.

"I'm so happy you all said yes", Tom smiled. The next day, I brought in Graham and Olivia Jr. I wanted to see how everyone was with them. 

"Can I hold her", Amanda asked.

"Yeah, sure." I gave Amanda Olivia Jr. and I gave Rafael Graham. The kids were laughing and smiling. Everyone was so good with them.  
~Flashback Ended~

"Why can't they be children again", I asked myself.

"I don't know but, I wish they were children again too", I turned around to see Tom leaning gently on the door frame of the living room. He walked over and sat down next to me. He kissed my forehead and held me while we looked at our wedding photo album.


	9. Retirement

SVU 16th Precinct  
Libby's POV

My boss called me into his office. "Libby, I've been thinking", he said as I sat down, "I think it's time for you to start thinking about retirement."

I sat in the chair for a minute, nervous, before I spoke, "I was thinking the same thing."

"Okay, so it's final."

"Yeah, I'll put my papers in at the end of the day."

He nodded and I smiled.

'Finally, more time for me to see my grand-kids', I thought to myself.  
***  
The Hanser's Residence  
Libby's POV

I got home around 5:30 p.m. and I was surprised to see Tom home, making dinner. "What are you doing home so early", I asked.

"Well, I talked to my boss at the insurance company and I've decided that it was time for me to put in my papers for retirement."

"Oh, I did too. Now we have more time to see our grandchildren." Tom and I smiled and I helped him make dinner.


	10. The End But Just the Beginning

Olivia's Grave  
Libby's POV

The wind blows gently across the ground, gliding leafs across my shoes, as I walked up to Olivia's grave. "Tom and I retired today", I said talking to Olivia and sitting down, "So now, we have more time to see Jason and Elizabeth."

I sat there, staring at her grave, thinking. Thinking of my life with her and how it was before, without her. Tomorrow is Tom and I's 18 year anniversary. I can't believe we're spending it without her.  
\---  
The Next Day - The Hanser's Residence  
Libby's POV

"How long have you been on the job", asked Luke.

"Um, about 31 years."

"Wow!"

"Yeah, 31 years of talking to bad people and putting more than half of them away."  
\---  
2 Hours later

"Thank you for the party everyone", I smiled as I opened the door to let everyone go home.  
\---  
1 Hour Later

I can't believe everything that's happened to me. I was born into a home with a loving mom and dad but my biological dad was horrible after my uncle killed her for it, then Olivia found me and killed Ian, my biological dad.

Time flew by after everything that happened because before I knew it, I was married and had two children. Then, they were married and I had grandchildren. I'm glad everything that happened, happened to me because if it didn't, I wouldn't have the life or family that I have now.


End file.
